It's true. When I was pregnant with Dominic I had this one small, what looked like a bite, on my arm. It didn't seem to be going away and one day my boss (the ER director and a great nurse) saw it and she said that it looked like impetigo. I called to make an appointment with the doctor immediately. He hadn't even seen me for my first prenatal appointment yet. He had to look up impetigo (it's not like OBs see a lot of it!), and he walked in with a printout comparing what was on my arm to what was on the picture in his hand. He prescribed an antibiotic ointment. But, I knew better...after all, I had the internet!!! After much searching I found that antibiotic ointments can actually be dangerous to the baby! Didn't the doctor know that??? It's a good thing I went to med school a la Google. I found some homeopathic treatments and tossed the prescription. Oh woe to me...that was stupid. But not as stupid as continuing to look things up online. Comparing my one spot to pictures of pregnancy rashes..but my rash was only that one spot. Or was it? I started looking and what do you know, they were all up my arms. On my chest and abdomen as well. The fear quickly came and went of chicken pox or shingles (I didn't have any other symptoms). It was surprising that I didn't start displaying any symptoms, because the more I looked up about my rash the more spots I found. I am certain that I was freaking myself out and causing a stress induced rash. It lasted 6 weeks. Morning (ha!) sickness had nothing on the rash. Itchy constantly, no sleeping, showers were painful. It was bad. It came back at about 36w and lasted until I delivered. Maybe it was pregnancy related, or maybe I'm a nut.
So why am I making this confession now you ask? Because I want so badly to be pregnant and be expecting our next adorable little bundle of joy that I am constantly feeling nauseous (morning sickness for me starts really early and lasts the entire pregnancy), and wondering if it's because I'm pregnant. With both boys I was sick weeks before I tested positive. Also, I found that I am very sensitive to hormonal shifts so I also get sick with any change in hormones. It's so fun.
Oh wait, so my confession, really it's a plea. A plea for prayers if you can spare any. We are not experiencing fertility problems that we know of, but I want more babies. I am struggling to accept God's will in this, in the timing. So my plea for prayers is not for me to suddenly see those two lines, but for me to accept God's will lovingly. And if you have any tips on learning to accept His timing, I'll gladly take them.
A Prayer to St. Gerard for Motherhood:ReplyDelete
O glorious Saint Gerard, powerful intercessor before God, and wonder worker of our day, I call upon you and seek your help. You who always fulfilled God's will on earth, help me to do God's holy will. Intercede with the Giver of life, from whom all parenthood proceeds, that I may conceive and raise children who will please God in this life, and be heirs to the kingdom of heaven. Amen.
I'll be praying for you, Jeanine!
And prayers you will have. Definitely praying for peace and to be okay with God's bigger plan. I remember the many months of waiting to be pregnant with Ben and man was that hard. I think ultimately it took a change in perspective to relax and actually get pregnant. But it wasn't easy, so I will pray for you in this journey and hope that you and God get to be on the same page soon.ReplyDelete